DIY sex therapy: FEMAIL sexpert Tracey Cox's 11 tips to help you think like a shrink
Why don't we seek help from a professional, like we do other problems in our life?
The prime reason cited is fear of what might happen.
I've compiled a taster of the type of things you might be told if you did see a sex therapist in the hope you'll see how non-threatening and helpful the process could be.
At the very least, it might help you 'think
like a shrink' for some effective DIY therapy!
Why don't we seek help from a professional, like we do other
problems in our life?
How healthy are your intimate relationships generally?
Are you well liked at work? Do you have
close friends and get on well with your family? In other words, how do
you relate to people? It's useful to know whether your problems are
specific to your relationship or something one or both of you struggle
Take a close look at your parents
Like it or not, how you relate to other people - most particularly your partner - is nearly always based on how you related to your family while growing up. We tend to take on the role of our childhood selves when in a romantic relationship - or turn into one of our parents. Look at yourselves and in on each other for astute observations.
Compromise isn't always the solution
Sometimes, meeting in the middle leaves
everyone unsatisfied. If it's the way you have sex which is causing
problems, rather than the frequency, having sex 'his way' one time, and
'hers' the next can just lead to frustration on both parts, with neither
of you enjoying the other's 'turn'. Compromise is good but there are
It's what you do sexually which is important, not what you think
Don't get all hung-up or guilty about any
'naughty' thoughts you're having or have had. Fleeting thoughts about
what it might be like to sleep with your best friend/partner's worst
enemy/the dog don't mean a thing. We are defined by our sexual behaviour
not our sexual impulses.
Discussions have most impact when you're both in a positive mood and
are really keen to fix things
Don't be threatened by your partner, they're the same as you
They might seem more together/more glamorous/sexier/confident than you but we're all the same underneath. We all want to be loved and to feel secure and we all want sexual satisfaction, whatever that means to us.